Tag: April Fools

Islay April Fools 2024

Islay Fun

OK, I assume most or even all of you have figured out that the Islay Space Port news was this year’s April Fools. After all April Fools has a long tradition on this blog. I didn’t spot any other ones on other websites or blogs (if I missed any Islay related one please let me know) but noticed a few on social media:

I hope you enjoyed this year’s efforts, if I missed any publicly accessible Islay related ones please let me know and I’ll aim to add them to the list here. Let’s what we can come up with next year.

Islay Space Port to open in 2024

Islay News

Some amazing news from Islay this morning: After some long and secret negotiations I can reveal that an Islay Space Port is expected to open in late 2024. Scotland has long been the prime location for the development of spaceports, now Islay is joining this effort to establish Scotland on the forefront of space exploration.

Picture of a Space Shuttle lifting off next to a whisky distillery
Artist’s impression of the Islay Space Port

This development will create many highly qualified jobs on Islay. It is expected that Islay High School will create some specialised courses leading to space engineering degrees at Glasgow University. I understand the space port will be located on the south coast of Islay (I believe between Lagavulin and Ardbeg) and some of the Islay distilleries will contribute to the specialised rocket fuel.

What do you think? Is this an exciting and positive development for Islay? Or is this too much and will put further strain on ferry capacities?

IslayBletherAI launches today

Islay News

Over the last year or so there has been a lot of talk about Chatbots, Artificial Intelligence and related topics. Back in December I had a chat about Islay with ChatGPT, I’m hoping to run a similar test with Google Bard soon. But that will have to wait, as today sees the launch of something much more exciting, to which I had exclusive preview access: IslayBletherAI

I was given the opportunity to have a chat with the IslayBletherAI for a few minutes, here is the transcript of our chat:

Armin: Hi IslayBletherAI, let’s have a blether

Ashley: Hi Armin, my name is Ashley, not IslayBletherAI. I’m a wee language model trained by IslayAI using the powerful 10 Terabyte P.E.A.T. (Petaflop Excentric Algorithmic Triangulation) method to teach me everything about Islay there is to know and blether about it for hours on end.

Armin: OK, Ashley, sorry for that. Let’s talk about Islay then

Ashley: That sounds grand, I can talk about Islay for hours, you know?

Armin: So why is Islay so great?

Ashley: Because it is. Not sure I understand your question? Islay is just great. That’s all there is to know. Actually, no, there’s waaaaay more and I could talk for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours…

Armin: Unfortunately I’ve only been given a few minutes, so let’s talk about something else. What is your favourite Islay whisky?

Ashley: Well, as I’m an Artificial Islaytelligence bot I unfortunately don’t have any taste buds yet, so I can’t really taste it for the time being and develop a preference. But I can tell you one thing: They are the best. There’s no other whisky in the world that comes even close to an Islay dram!

Armin: Fair enough. How about the best Islay beach?

Ashley: Now you’re putting me on the spot. I’m reluctant to take sides here while at the same time my developers have taught me to adapt and to please the person I’m chatting with, so I’m going to say Kilchoman beach. How about that?

Armin: You’ve certainly done your homework, I’m impressed! Sadly we’re running out of time, so one last question: What is the meaning of life?

Ashley: Huh? I’m only trained to talk about Islay, not philosophy, but I’m going to give it a try anyway: If you haven’t visited Islay at least once in your life, your life has no meaning.

Armin: Thank you very much for your time Ashley, it was a pleasure chatting with you.

IslayBletherAI

So there you have it, that was my first chat with IslayBletherAI, the first AI chatbot exclusively designed to talk about Islay. I think the first steps are promising, once taste bot sensors are added to the technology and it can actually taste and judge any whisky it is being offered it will get even better. That might help some whisky bloggers as they can just let the AI write their whisky reviews for them.

I’ve been told public access will be made available later today, I will aim to share the link to the public beta of IslayBletherAI (or Ashley, as it prefers to be called) with you as soon as possible. Will you be testing and using it?

First NFID (Non-Fungible Islay Distillery) to release NFW (Non-Fungible Whisky)

Islay Whisky News & Links

Exciting and exclusive news for Islay whisky lovers and in particular whisky collectors today: In addition to actual bottles from the established distilleries you can soon start collecting virtual NFW bottles from Islay’s first NFID! The future of whisky collecting has arrived….

The brand new distillery is called AFIW™ Distillery (Not sure what AFIW™ stands for and how it is pronounced, I believe the name might be of Gaelic origin?) and will be completely located in the Cloud, meaning no impact on Islay’s creaking roads and other infrastructure.

Picture of a bay with clouds above, a whisky still, two casks and four bottles in the clouds
“Artist’s impression” of a whisky distillery in the Cloud

So how will it all work?

Launched today you can either buy a limited NFW cask or a limited NFW bottle future. The first NFW casks will be calculated today using the extremely secure 512 byte P.E.A.T. (Petaflop Excentric Algorithmic Triangulation) method also used in AlbaCoin. The casks will then be aged for a minimum of 3 years (usually longer, 10 years or more) using the innovative new Blockaging technology.

Each cask is of course unique and the information is recorded in the Blockchain. Once the cask has aged for the time specified in the Blockaging (pronounced block-aging) token it can be bottled into individual virtual bottles, again each bottle is numbered and recorded in the Blockchain. The value of a cask (NFWC) and/or bottle (NFWB) will of course depend on their rarity. There will be some varieties where only one single cask will be generated (and subsequently a limited number of bottles). These will of course be more valuable than varieties with multiple casks and therefore more bottles.

Each bottling will have dedicated NFW bottle token virtual artwork, so that you’ve got something to look at while reading the virtual tasting notes. Meaning you can taste your rare and expensive collection virtually, unlike your real collectors bottles which are locked away in a safe.

This all sounds very fascinating, finally the future has arrived for the avid Islay whisky collector! Experts are predicting a brisk trade with significant value gains for both NFWCs and NFWBs.

Will you be investing in NFW from AFIW™ Distillery, the first NFID?

Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift to film music video on Islay

Islay News

Details are still a bit sketchy, but news reach me this morning that mega popstars Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift are going to film the music video for an as yet unreleased duet on Islay. From what I understand they recorded the song (a love ballad) two years ago and have now decided to release it. Of course the song needs a video, and this is where Islay comes in…

The two superstars wanted something a bit different from the usual polished boredom of a pop video. On a Zoom call with Craig Ferguson (while now an American citizen he of course was born and grew up in Scotland) they got talking about it and Craig suggested they might want to take a look at Islay.

They seem to have taken to his suggestion and are now planning to travel to Islay once Coronavirus restrictions are lifted and they and their crews can safely visit the island and film the video.

Likely locations include Soldier’s Rock, Kilchoman beach, Sanaigmore Bay, Finlaggan, Bowmore (in particular with the Round Church in the background), but there’s also talk of an excursion to Jura for views of the Paps of Jura and the Corryvreckan whirlpool.

I’ll keep you updated as this story develops…

Donald Trump plans to buy Islay

Islay News

The cousin of a friend of mine has an uncle who works in the White House who has a colleague who has access to the innermost circle of the American president. From him we’ve just learned about this most fascinating development:

Donald Trump is planning to buy Islay. All of it. The whole island.

Remember the story about Donald Trump wanting to buy Greenland? As you probably know that plan failed. So now Trump has set his sights elsewhere. And picked Islay. In a secret transcript Trump says:

Islay is such a tremendous island, it has the bestest whiskey in the whole world, Americans love it. Islay is hugely popular! When there’s a feature about Islay on the TV the ratings go up in England, it’s bigger than a Premier League game or Dance Off!! Amazing!!! So I’m going to buy it for America.

secret White House transcript

Trump is understood to have reached out to the Scottish and British government to negotiate the deal, believed to be worth in the trillions if Trump is successful with his outrageous bid. Trump also said:

This will be an amazing deal we will offer Scotchland. And once we’ve completed it I will proclaim my beautiful daughter Ivanka as the first queen of Islay. We will also introduce the proper spelling of whiskey to Islay and teach everyone how to best enjoy a stiff Islay scotch, with a nice big lump of fresh Alaskan ice!

secret White House transcript

This will certainly be a developing story to watch…..

Breaking news: AlbaCoin and AlbaContract to be trialled on Islay

Islay News

Some great breaking Islay news this morning, which should be exciting for both IT nerds and whisky buffs alike. The Scottish Government is announcing that Islay has been chosen for the trial of the roll-out of both AlbaCoin and AlbaContracts. This will put Islay and Scotland truly on the map for the new exciting blockchain technology. They will revolutionise how business as well as everyday transactions will be conducted on Islay and soon all over Scotland and even the world.

AlbaCoin and AlbaContracts are based on the blockchain technology, the underlying technology for cryptocurrencies and more. AlbaCoin is an electronic cryptocurrency which will replace physical banknotes and coins with fully electronic and safe currency. It is also likely to be the new currency of an independent Scotland should Scotland gain independence in the near future. AlbaContracts are intelligent e-contracts based on the blockchain technology, allowing secure and trustworthy transactions and tracking in the digitalised economy.

Some information about the technology from Lead Project Manager John Holland:

AlbaCoin and AlbaContract both use the newly developed and extremely secure 512 byte P.E.A.T. (Petaflop Excentric Algorithmic Triangulation) method, which is impossible to break. Leading cryptographic experts were involved in its development.

The technology is supported by all major banks and law firms as well as the major technology giants and will be integrated in all major technology platforms and operating systems.

The technology will be rolled out to all households and businesses on Islay and Jura with training and information sessions starting soon. The trail is funded by the government and will not cost the users anything, while bringing plenty of benefits.

AlbaContracts will provide huge benefits to the distilleries, who through the blockchain technology of AlbaContracts will be able to trace all the ingredients from source to bottle, e.g. barley from field through maltings to mashing, distilling, maturing and bottling. The ultimate in trace-ability. Bruichladdich wasn’t available for comment, but it is believed they will implement the technology to support their provenance and terroir ambitions until their new local Islay maltings are complete.

Certainly exciting and interesting times for Islay!

Islayschki Vodka to be launched

Islay NewsWhisky and gin are already well established on Islay and Jura, there are also plans to distil rum on Islay. Not to forget Islay Ales being brewed in Bridgend. Now efforts are underway to add another spirit to this portfolio, vodka to be precise:

Label for Islayschki Vodka

Following Roman Abramovich’s Islay visit a few years ago there will now also be Islay vodka, to be called Islayschki Vodka. The vodka will be distilled in a new purpose-built distillery near Port Ellen. From what I understand the distillery will be a joint venture by a Russian conglomerate and a Scottish spirit merchant.

Not much is known about the taste profile yet, but I understand it will be a fusion of continental freshness and Islay’s maritime salty influences. While it is mainly to be enjoyed neat it can also be used in cocktails and mixed with other drinks.

Will you try the new Islayschki Vodka?

Islay April Fools 2017

Islay FunSorry, fun’s over. Admittedly pretty much all of you spotted immediately that the Haggis farm on Islay was an April Fools. But just in case you had any niggling doubts it might be true after all, it isn’t. No Haggis farm on Islay any time soon.

It wasn’t the only Islay related April Fools, Laphroaig also joined in with this product announcement:

Islay Ales announced the opening of an Artisan restaurant. Although it seems it was destroyed in a storm just hours later.

If there are any other Islay related ones I have missed please let me and other readers know via the comments.

Regular readers of this blog will know that April Fools jokes have a long tradition on this blog, here’s the obligatory list of the previous ones (on the old blog):

And that’s enough Islay April Fools. Let me see what I can come up with next year (it is getting more difficult…)

Haggis Farm to be built on Islay

Islay NewsIslay farmers are well known for their excellent beef, pork and lamb. The fresh sea air and salty grass certainly helping with the nice taste of the meat. Soon there will be a fourth variety of meat coming directly from Islay: Haggis. A Haggis farm is to open on Islay today.

The farm will start with 100 Haggis, but expansion plans have already been approved to grow this to 1,000 Haggis. Being located on Islay the expectation is the Haggis meat will have a salty and peaty taste influence. Especially over the winter (and therefore in the prime season just before Burns Night) the grass will be complemented with draff from the whisky distilleries, meaning the Haggis will go even better with a good Islay whisky.

The location of the new farm is on the Rhinns of Islay, between Port Charlotte and Kilchiaran:

Picture of some rugged uncultivated rugged land
The location for Islay’s first Haggis farm

It is expected that the Haggis will thrive on this rugged land, finding plenty of food (as already mentioned supplemented with the draff from the distilleries during the harsh winter months) and growing and fattening quickly. The uneven and hilly landscape is their natural habitat, so they will feel right at home.

Initially most of the sales are expected to be local on Islay, but as its fame spreads the owners expect to export to the mainland and even internationally. First enquiries by international importers have already been received even before the farm started operating.